Happy "your respective religious holiday"!

who cares about a legacy.

You know i'm 24.  I don't feel young anymore.  I feel older than I think I should feel.  Granted I've never been this old before so I don't know how old i'm supposed to feel.  Being over here, you have a lot of down time, and you struggle to stay "productive".  most of the time I make "make believe" plans in my head of what I'm going to do when the season is over, or during my next break.  sometimes it comes to fruition, sometimes not.  

Basically what i'm getting at here is, have I made the right choice with my life so far?  I know death could be around the corner,  just because i'm relatively young doesn't mean I'm going to live another couple decades.  People are always loosing people around them,  thats just life. Family, friends, who's to say we're not next.  There are so many damn ways to die in this world its nuts.  so nuts in fact that we are all in fact going to die one way or another.

So the next logical move would not being trying to cheat death, because that is silly, but to enjoy every moment we have (I know some people have decided to live their lives on less sleep than is normal so as to capture more hours out of life.  personally I love sleep and don't consider it a waste at all).

Life in North America is starting to scare me.  The general obsession people have with material value worries me, and I know I'm very much the same way, and I'm trying to work on that; but I find myself longing for the place more and more.

I think it has a lot to do with being home for christmas this year.  After a short battle with the management of my club, I was allowed to take a short trip to canada during the end of december, and it was really quite pleasant.  The older I get, the more I find I love my family.

So to wrap this all up.  the thing on my mind most these days is:  is this what I will find was the best way to spend my twenties when or if i reach a ripe old age.  I guess I have to decide if I'm ok dealing with the longing for my loved ones, or if I'm strong and brave enough to make a change to a place where I have no future laid out for me.  It just turns out that oddly enough, for me that place is home.

p.s.

if your the type of person who prays, please pray for my Grandmother.  she's 92 and has a bad case of pneumonia.  She's one of the strongest people I've ever met for reasons you can ask me about.  i'd pray for her myself, but i don't pray, so if I was to start now, it be terribly hypocritical of me.  There, now go give someone you love a hug.