If your like your brain you should probably leave this one alone, cuz it might shatter like wine glasses and fat ladies singing.

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...The Best Place For Hookers and Blow!

So this here is a guest Blog done by none other than Gavin "big nasty" Schmitt. It chronicles our adventures on the Mediterranean. Warning: if you suck at life, are a crusader for the rights of street walkers, or hate Hall and Oates, this blog entry isn't for you. And again, you suck at life. Enjoy!

So this has been long awaited and much put off by none other than myself and for fans of said blog, I apologize to you and my good friend Dallas. You see it was over a year ago when Dallas and myself undertook an adventure that would forever change our lives… or well Dal’s life.

It was April and Dallas and I were playing Pro in France, not but half and hour from one another, and we ended up with the same weekend off. What to do what to do…. We decided that we would head to Barcelona since neither of us had been. We hopped in my car and cruised on down, the drive went fast as we had some entertainment along the way while some crazy motorcyclist did some acrobatics and showed off his SSAAWWWEEEEEETT bike. So we rolled into the B-LONA!! And found our way to our hotel, which turned out to be just straight ballin. We got ready and decided to head out and get some food at the Hard Rock Café because my man Dal always tries to visit one whenever he is in a different city. We had ourselves some food and decided we would give a little wander around La Ramblas which is one of the main streets there in the B-LONA. We decided to try and find a Hookah bar that my friend had told me about and said was very sweet, we searched for what seemed like forever and finally gave up.

After we decided all hope was lost looking for said hookah bar we made our way back onto La Ramblas where we got proposed by many a lady of the night. We walked around for a while longer and saw a poor guy being chased down by a few ladies of the night and thought this was pretty funny. Though no sooner had we laughed at the poor fellas misfortunes did the incident that would change, maybe even shape and mold Dals life, forever.

I looked over to my left and saw what I thought was and bigger Asian lady of the night, while Dallas thought Cambodian Lady of the night. We will settle on a half Asian half Cambodian lady of the night better known as a Cambasian Night Woman! Now I noticed her though Dal did not, she eyes him up as a king lion would a young hurt gazelle, she then proceeded to lick her lips so fiercely its like she was licking off pure gold. I saw all this happening but was lost for words and before I knew what happened she lunged forward with the quickness of a professional fencer and hand her hand on dals… uuhhh happy place. Now according to Dallas her lighting quick hand skills gave her time to not only squeeze one time but two which sparked a furry of “OH NOOOO!!! NNOOO!!! THAT WAS UNNESSECARY!! NOO!” Dallas later described her accuracy and precision as her having laser or x-ray sight. (editors note: I now understand what women mean when they say they feel violated, I wanted nothing more than to go to my childhood home and sit in the shower naked and scrub myself clean for hours while singing/crying Kiss on my list my Hall & Oates. That’s my happy place) By this point I was in tears of laughter as it was funny to any person on the outside but Dallas figured it was a good time to make our exit from said street before anything else unpleasing happened. We took our exit and went to some bumping 8 room club called razzmatazz which was filled with about 16 year old kids, we explored a bit and found we felt much to old and it was time to make our exit.

The next day was a nice little day in Barcelona we toured around a bit and played a little beach at food and drank sangria. All and all it was a nice and successful trip to the B-LONA, where fun was had and nightmares are born.

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