flattered

yall gotta meet my boy Dan. check him out.

http://danrussell5.blogspot.com/

well that was a quick 4 years

Listen to "be" by common and get inspired.

To tell you the truth, more than a feeling a depression and disapointment, i feel relieved. I feel worse for all the players whos CIS careers ended on sunday. Not just ours (leo nick brock tony sills chicken), but my man Dodds, Dove and Mitchell. Also my man Rob ellis down in cowtown; him and eric. big up to eric for being nominated for that award. And all my other buddys who don't have the chance anymore. And for everyone who beleived is us. our friends and fans. I wish i could appolgise to evey one of them. beleive me i'll try. Its so strange. a man can work 5 years so hard for one thing. and can let it all slip away in a few mins.

Quite honestly, i'm proud of my old friend seth. He was a vetrain player when I started, haha. we go way back. I'm so proud of what he did.

Sunday was an example for all the kiddies out there coming up in the game that it doesn't matter what you have physcially, the mental part of the game is MUCH more influential. Ron Pike was quoted a few times saying how our bears team had his spartains well over matched physically. There was no bullshitting there. very straight up. But they came with their game and said with complete comfidence: "this is us, stop us if you can". Its rare i'm on the reciving end of that.

How I would LOVE to point fingers. SO BAD. not just at others, but at myself. but thats not what its about. you win national championships with your team. and more importantly, you loose with your team. If you put it all on your shoulders, not only is it selfish, but its unbarible. I've played in something like 8 or 9 championships; lost just about as many as i've won. The strange thing is the one I took the hardest was the one I had the smallest influence on:
back in 2001 at the canada games. I got in the final for one point. I missed a block. but after our alberta team got smashed by BC, I was a mess. I was 17, the proper age was 19. I don't know what the relivance is, i'm just going with where my head goes. Hey no ones forcing you to read this! sheat.

Well in closing, i'm very dissapointed in myself. overwelmed.... and a million other emotions. As much fun as winning is, Loosing is just as much a part of being a great player. You must understand, at the end of the game, no ones dies. your parents still love you. your girlfriend still loves you (unless she a broke ass triflin gold digger), and if your strong enuf, you'll have another chance to play this game. I'm sure there's lots more to learn from this year, and i'll realize what these things are in the next few weeks, and i'll have more to say, but as it stands right now. today, at this very moment.... i'm ok. i'll be ok. and us here in edmonton are gonna be ok.

Thank you to everyone for the support for the last four years. yes even you who heckled me from the crowd, your just as important.

p.s. click on the advertisment at the top so i can keep writting these.

i guess everybody gets one

Lets start this of with something positive. chappelles movie comes out today. man i can't wait to see that. That man is a genius, our kids will learn about the chappelle phenom in class 50 years from now.

It seems like I always write these for one person, i don't know what that is, but it feels personal.

So, it has been some time since I've been this disappointed in myself.
tonight the golden bears played the MAC in the quarters of the mens volleyball national tournament. The bears won in four after loosing the first set.

I always thought i was relatively clutch player. Turns out I'm the most unclutch dude around. Like for reeeealz. I played bad, if you haven't clued in, like real bad. I've played for weeks without making so many errors. Dudes who play on team Canada aren't supposed to be such fuck ups. So on top of letting down my country, I also gave a poor example of my play to my extended family who had not seen me play before tonight. Also the team Canada coaches, and I certainly can't send the game tape to any clubs in Europe. I must tip my hat to the fans at MAC, they where great, loud and into it, just how passionate fans should be.

man. Soft, so soft. Like twinkie filling. Man. Well i guess there still two days to make it up. If I get the chance that is. Oh man, BIG props to Joel shmuland. The man child came in and ripped it up. We're so lucky we're so deep. We have crazy mad athletes who come off our bench. To be honest, i don't think i deserve to play. I hope Joel gets the call. I'll be upset if he doesn't. He's proved himself now. fuck shit, rumble young man rumble. Well I guess I sleep better tonight than I did lastnight. Weird how that works.

On the other hand, things could be MUCH worse. I guess that's why I'm still smiling. I could have been born without the ability to walk. or I could have been born into a civil war. Shit, i mean my biggest problem right now is a game. A game that I will probably do for a living. A game. GAME. GAMEGAMEGAME. No one does at the end. Everyone gets to play again.

As upset as i am, and believe me, I'm really really upset with myself, I guess the thing to do is keep my head up, and if i get another chance, play like a rookie, why not, what do I really have to loose? You tell me. I CHARGE THEE to tell me. I'm out.

p.s. Listen to more Mos Def and Common.